Healthy relationships bring happiness and health to our lives. Studies show that people with healthy relationships really do have more happiness and less stress. There are basic ways to make relationships healthy, even though each one is different鈥arents, siblings, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, professors, roommates, and classmates. Here are Ten Tips for Healthy Relationships!
1. Keep expectations realistic. No one can be everything we might want him or her to be. Sometimes people disappoint us. It鈥檚 not all-or-nothing, though. Healthy relationships mean accepting people as they are and not trying to change them!
2. Talk with each other. It can鈥檛 be said enough: communication is essential in healthy relationships! It means鈥� Take the time. Really be there. Genuinely listen. Don鈥檛 plan what to say next while you鈥檙e trying to listen. Don鈥檛 interrupt. Listen with your ears and your heart. Sometimes people have emotional messages to share and weave it into their words. Ask questions. Ask if you think you may have missed the point. Ask friendly (and appropriate!) questions. Ask for opinions. Show your interest. Open the communication door. Share information. Studies show that sharing information especially helps relationships begin. Be generous in sharing yourself, but don鈥檛 overwhelm others with too much too soon.
3. Be flexible. Most of us try to keep people and situations just the way we like them to be. It鈥檚 natural to feel apprehensive, even sad or angry, when people or things change and we鈥檙e not ready for it. Healthy relationships mean change and growth are allowed!
4. Take care of you. You may try to please others in hopes that they will like you. Don鈥檛 forget to please yourself. Healthy relationships are mutual!
5. Be dependable. If you make plans with someone, follow through. If you have an assignment deadline, meet it. If you take on a responsibility, complete it. Healthy relationships are trustworthy!
6. Fight fair. This means several things. No ambushing. Present your argument sensibly. Always use "I" statements, NEVER use "you" statements. Listen carefully to your partner. Stick to the issue. Agree on what kind of behavior is acceptable. Keep all blows above the belt. Don鈥檛 over react. If you can鈥檛 settle the issues, table them for later and set an agreed upon specific time to meet. If you can agree, decide how to carry out your decision. If you later are dissatisfied with the decision, you must make an appointment for another discussion. See the 鈥淭ips for Fair Fighting鈥� for additional information.
7. Show your warmth. Studies tell us warmth is highly valued by most people in their relationships. Healthy relationships show emotional warmth!
8. Keep your life balanced. Other people help make our lives satisfying but they can鈥檛 create that satisfaction for us. Only you can fill your life. Don鈥檛 overload on activities, but do use your time at college to try new things鈥攃lubs, volunteering, lectures, projects. You鈥檒l have more opportunities to meet people and more to share with them. Healthy relationships aren鈥檛 dependent!
9. It鈥檚 a process. Sometimes it looks like everyone else on campus is confident and connected. Actually, most people feel just like you feel, wondering how to fit in and have good relationships. It takes time to meet people and get to know them鈥o, make "small talk"鈥espond to others鈥mile鈥eep trying. Healthy relationships can be learned and practiced and keep getting better!
10. Be yourself! It鈥檚 much easier and much more fun to be you than to pretend to be something or someone else. Sooner or later, it catches up anyway. Healthy relationships are made of real people, not images!
No ambushing. Make an appointment to talk: (a) for a certain time and place, (b) for a certain issue. Choose a time when you wil